DJ
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Curtis Dang: Professional Pet Puncher
“YOU SHOULD MAKE A STORY ABOUT CURTIS PUNCHING ANIMALS AND TURNING THEM
INTO OTHER ANIMALS!! CURTIS DANG! PROFESSIONAL PET PUNCHER!!” ~Taylor Ash
“DARREL! I SWEAR! I WILL PUNCH YOUR
CATS, AND TURN THEM INTO DOGS!” Curtis yelled to Darrel.
“Curtis, what is your obsession with punching animals and turning them into other animals?” sighed Ash with an amused expression. “This is like the 7th time you’ve threatened to punch them!”
Curtis and Ash were sleeping over at Darrel’s apartment because they were planning to have a giant Nerf Gun War the next day. They were all really tired and already in bed. However, Darrel’s two Siamese cats, Scout and Dumpling, kept jumping on Curtis in his sleep and prevented his departure to dream land.
“Scout! Dumpling! Come here!” Darrel called to them. The two cats stared at Darrel then turned back to Curtis and jumped on top of him.
“THAT’S IT!” Curtis yelled. He punched Scout and turned him into a Husky puppy. He then punched Dumpling and turned him Corgi puppy.
The room was silent for a long 5 minutes as Ash, Curtis, and Darrel watched the two puppies running happily around the beds in the dark room.
“What the hell?” asked Curtis.
“Ummm…” Ash was speechless.
“Are you guys seeing this too?” asked Darrel. Curtis and Ash responded with slight nods of their heads. “We must be really sleepy… Night guys…”
The three fell asleep and woke up the next morning to two puppies staring them down with adorableness.
“Wow… They’re still puppies, we must have not gotten any sleep at. This sucks.” Darrel yawned. They got ready and left without a second thought hoping the fresh air would clear their vision.
The three of them got to North Hollywood Park and met up with their friends Mel, Sloan, Adrian, and DJ. All of them had their Nerf Guns ready and loaded for war. All except DJ, who held a giant foam Nerf Axe and nothing else.
“CURTIS!”
yelled DJ and pointed at Curtis with his Axe. “MELEE CHALLENGE!! LET’S GO!!!”
A Melee Challenge was a rule Curtis had made up to determine who was the strongest combatant with handheld weapons. Everyone would pause everything they were doing and circle around and watch the fight.
Curtis and DJ went at it for almost 10 minutes. DJ swung his foam axe with great skill and Curtis attacked furiously with his foam katana. DJ then swung and accidentally nailed Curtis in the face.
“What the hell, dude!” yelled Curtis. Curtis walked up to DJ and punched him in the arm.
DJ was suddenly turned into a Puli dog. Everyone stared in shock as the friend they knew as DJ was running around wagging it’s tail trying for people to pet him.
“Oh my god…” Darrel exclaimed. “Curtis, can actually turn animals into other animals. I thought he was just kidding!”
“Ohhhh man… DJ! Come here boy!! Ohh who’s a good boy?! I’m gonna take such good care of you!!” Ash said as he pet DJ.
Curtis looked at the ground at a squirrel passing by at his feet. Curtis kicked it and it turned into a turtle.
“NOOOOOOO!!!!! SQUIRRELS ARE MY FAVORITE ANIMALS!!!” Curtis dropped on both knees and yelled dramatically into the sky.
Curtis got up from the ground, picked up the turtle, walked to his car, and drove away. Everyone, except DJ, was cemented in place due to the shock of Curtis’s new powers. After that, Curtis was not heard from for almost 2 weeks until the Wednesday of the 10th week of school.
Darrel and Ash were in front of the school talking.
“Seriously, Darrel… We need to find him. It’s been 2 weeks and no one has seen Curtis. He hasn’t even come to his classes. That and you know, I’m getting tired of taking care of dog DJ. He need to change him back.” Ash said worriedly.
“I know, I’ve been calling his phone and even blew up on his Facebook, and he just won’t respond. I just wish we knew how to get to his place.”
“We can go right now if you guys want.” Said Curtis.
“No, Curtis. It’s alright. We’ll fi-… CURTIS! WHAT THE HELL?” Ash and Darrel yelled in unison.
Curtis was standing behind Ash and Darrel smiling and laughing hysterically.
“WHERE, IN THE HIGGITY HELL, HAVE YOU BEEN, CURTIS JAMISON DANG!?” Ash yelled to Curtis.
“Training, why?” Curtis responded nonchalantly. “Oh and my computer and phone are broken because I tried punching them.”
“TRAINING?! Curtis, you’ve been MIA for 2 mother effin’ weeks! Are you kidding me? You’ve missed all you classes and it’s finals next week!” exclaimed Darrel.
“Yep!” Curtis responded happily. “Watch this!” Curtis looked around and spotted a nearby pigeon and walked up to it. The pigeon looked up and stared at Curtis. He then suddenly punched it in the face and a giant moose was in its place. People watched as a moose ran down the sidewalks of North Hollywood.
“Damn it! I was trying for a cow.” Curtis snapped.
“This is what you’ve been training for?!” Darrel shouted.
“Yeah, basically. I don’t know exactly how it works, but I have to physically attack an animal. If I just pet it, nothing happens. It’s pretty cool.” Curtis makes a fist and looks at it proudly.
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear. Are you proud of hitting animals?” The three of them turned around to face a man dressed in polo and jeans, carrying a briefcase. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an ID and badge.
“My name is Nad Swehttam. I am a representative of PETA., and you young man, are coming with me.” Nad grabbed Curtis’s wrist violently and attempted to drag him away.
“PETA?! What the hell! Hey! Hey! Stop it! WO SAC SEI LEI! WO SAC SEI LEI!” Curtis yelled in Chinese and attempted to punch Nad.
Nad quickly jumped back before he could hit by Curtis’s fist. Curtis kept going with the punch, hoping to get lucky. He missed and accidentally punched a girl passing by turning her into a frog. Curtis kept swinging his fists and missing only to have a zoo soon surrounding him.
“CURTIS!” Yelled Darrel dodging another one of Curtis’s punches, “Watch where you’re swinging!”
Curtis
hunched over and looked around, “Hey… Where’s Ash?” said Curtis and he gasped
to catch his breath.
“ALRIGHT DJ!! RASTIFARIANISM!!!!” Ash yelled from far away. The dog, known as DJ, raced onto the scene barking wildly. DJ jumped on top of Nad knocking him down.
“Ah! No! I ONLY WANT TO HELP YOU!!”
Nad screamed as he struggled with the mop dog.
Ash ran up to rejoin the scene. “Where have you been!?... And what’s Rastifarianism?” asked Darrel.
“Oh. I went home to get DJ, I thought it would help. And Rastifarianism seems to be the only word that puts DJ into attack mode. I made it up and he just gets angry every time I say it. I dunno, he’s a stupid dog.” Ash responded shaking his head.
Nad was still struggling on the ground with DJ when Ash, Darrel, and Curtis walked over.
“So, what do we do with him?” asked Darrel. “If we let him go, he’ll go to the police and report us for assault… Or just come back for us with more PETA members. Like PETA Elites equipped with Cat-A-Pults. I don’t know…”
“Oh my god, Curtis! Kick his face in and let’s go! I am famished! I require filet mignon in mah stomach!”
“Alright fine… I hope I get this right…” Curtis flicked Nad in the nose and sure enough, a squirrel was in it’s place.
From that day forward, Curtis had a pet turtle named Squirrel and a squirrel named PETA as a reminder of his victory on this day.
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